Aside from interior design, I have been busy with many other things. One of which has been a girlfriend. Girlfriends require time, work, trust, understanding, patience, and compromise. The relationship lasted for nearly three months from January and ended a few weeks ago, but I learned that even though I want a girlfriend, it may not necessarily mean that I am ready for one. And I am far from ready. There are so many things I need to work on: personally, mentally, socially, emotionally, physically, and psychically (the last one is just a bonus in case of a radioactive waste spillage).
Most of my adolescent life was spent pining for love when I should have been looking at what was right in front of me: a mirror with my reflection in it. You technically can’t stare yourself in the face, of course. I needed to learn to love and nurture myself before I could do the same for somebody else, and I completely neglected that part this whole time. I may have grown more confidence, but I certainly didn’t love myself or respect myself in my mind. However, that all changes now.
All throughout elementary school, I was socially awkward and shy, and the other kids fed off it, teasing me further about being Chinese. My brother, Eugene, didn’t go through that because he was social. Instead of talking about my problems, I kept it bottled inside. I still kept in a lot of things, but I was shown by the ex that it’s better to talk about them instead of sulking where nothing gets resolved. And even if talking it out doesn’t solve the problem, it at least is therapeutic and may even help you or the generous ear find a solution.
Nobody ever told me how to deal with things, and I never asked. It’s not anybody’s fault, per se, but after having my eyes opened, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret for not knowing sooner. However, regret doesn’t change the past but it can shape the future; and that’s exactly what I intend to do. Wimps make excuses, but winners make results, and I am going to be a winner.
Desperate to find a girlfriend; that used to describe me. Now it’s time to find myself. I still want a work/life balance. I want to be proud of what I can accomplish. I want to accept myself as who I am and not reprimand myself so harshly when I make mistakes. I’ve decided to go harder at my after hours work: ChickenBall Design is still going steadily, but now I’ve joined forces with my best friend, Ian, to collaborate on projects (but in such a way that his interests don’t conflict at work); and my side income work of computer repair is going to be ramped up. So, for those of you in town who have been needing home support and haven’t been getting it, I’m joining the fray to offer my services. This site will eventually become a hub for that outlet, so watch for it when I complete my redesign by the summer. I know I’ve made these empty promises before, but now I will accept responsibility. No pressure, though. 😛
As long as I keep going down the path I’m taking at the speed I’m maintaining, I know I will succeed at what I want to do. Once my debt is paid off by this time next year, I plan to go to school in 2012. I looked at VCAD (Visual College of Arts & Design) in Vancouver, and they really have my interests piqued since they are both technically and creatively focused. After I graduate 15 months from then, Ian and I will continue on with our joint venture of Unspeakable Media, hopefully with new resources and contacts that I will glean from college. I may eventually make my way back to Manitoba unless things work out very well in Vancouver. Small town living just isn’t for me, as I pine for the city. If I happen to meet somebody along the way who wants to share that with me and accepts who I am and what I want to do, then so be it. Otherwise, I am fine being a lone ranger for a while. A lone Power Ranger. Like the Green Ranger. He was cool. Up until after he became the White Ranger and subsequently the Red Zeo Ranger. Tommy lost his touch. Damn you, Saban.